HAHAHA!  I loved the one that says "All of the people on your myspace list added you out of pity."

Maybe we should make this thread about submitting horrorscopes every month?
Here are some for next month if anyone wants them:

Taurus:
Although you may be frustrated at trying to find a new housemate, stay focussed and eventually the flyers you have stuck around campus will do their trick.  Stapling flyers to the forheads of your classmates is not the answer.  The time is right to take down those naked pictures of Amanda Vanstone you have hanging in your bedroom. 

Sagittarius:
Your significant other will dump you for somebody who is actually attractive in three days.  Enjoy them while they last.  You may now start making appointments to have your hair cut into the latest emo style.  Go shopping for razors.

Cancer:
The seasons are changing and therefore you should decorate your house accordingly.  Dining room sets are out and inflatable furniture is in.  Lock your cat outside and throw out your cutlery.  Your inflatable knives, forks and plates will be all you need from now on.  Don't worry about what everyone else says.  You're part of the in crowd now.

Aries:
Christmas may be months away but the Christmas Pageant is next month!  OMGEEE!!!  Pack up your camping equipment immediately and go secure yourself a good spot for when the time comes!  Never mind Myspace, you want to be the first one to see Santa Claus! 

Here are some more

Gemini:
For the love of all that is good and holy, get rid of your mullet.  The eighties was over twenty years ago.  DEAL WITH IT.

Aquarius:
Last month you sold your soul to JB Hifi.  It seemed like a good idea at the time, but then they jacked up the price of that DVD box set you wanted.  It is now time to get some help, counselling, and your soul back.  March up to the counter with a powder comprising of grounded up petunias and cloves.  Scream "MABOOKI SNICKLE SNICKLE!" while waving your arms around.  Your soul will be restored.  Walk out calmly and resist the urge to sell your soul to them again.  They will just hurt you like the others.  Relax and let it go.  You will recover.

Pisces:
Tomorrow morning you will wake up and realise that your best friend's significant other has the hots for you.  If you refuse their advances, you will wake up next to a morbidly obese hairy man and a creepy old guy in a stained Santa suit.  But then again, since you're a pisces you're probably into that sort of thing.

No matter how sick you think you are you are not going to die from the common cold. It is about time that you stopped whinging at your family and started paying attention to other things. I suggest that you might want to more closely question why you neighbour has been seen recently purchasing large quantities of petrol and muttering intelligibly to herself. It might be time to purchase an emergency fire blanket.

methinks this needs a BUMP